Saturday, July 31, 2010

Rainbow After the Rain

Is there really a rainbow after the rain?

I was on my way home one afternoon. There's a heavy rain. I was in the middle of traffic. I closed my eyes for a couple of minutes and flashes of memories suddenly becomes vivid.

....been struggling these past few weeks. I've let myself be shaken with the emotional imbalance and imperfections. But I guess, it happens sometimes. Just like what is happening when it rains. We only see darkness. We only see raindrops. We only see the one side. We repeatedly asked ourselves when will the rain ends...
The rain continue to fall for about an hour. I almost felt asleep. Then suddenly, the rain has stopped.

"That's nice", i thought to myself.

I opened my eyes and see things differently. I see a rainbow hiding in the clouds, yet i see it just about within my reach. I see colors of light which helped me opened my mind exactly the way i wanted to do for the longest time. I stared the rainbow for 10 mins and i felt that it was the longest 10 mins of my life. Now is different. I opened  my soul and begins to see things constructively and in details. I see the rainbow much brighter than the others. Then, I asked myself:  

"Does all of us have the opportunity to see the rainbow after the rain?" 

I guess not. Some of us were stuck by the truth that the rain indeed stopped. And that's it.
"Should i say im lucky to see one?"

 I guess I am.

(thanks to google for the pix)

Now its not a question of  whether or not the rainbow does appear after the rain - its HOW you see and search for the rainbow after the rain, whatever the gravity of the raindrop it has been. :-)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Missing My Emotions

…staring at nowhere with an empty mind. Trying my very best to process every bit of everything that comes to my head…but I feel numb…As I go deeper to search for an answer, it just gets worst – silence, bare everywhere…

I am missing something…

How I missed smiling for every ‘happy’ day. Not because I need to or I have to. Not because I need to do it as a requirement of my job - believing people in every seminar / talk I gave to them. Not because I have to, just to end any conversation. Not because I need to, to let people know that I’m feeling perfectly okay. How I missed smiling, simply because on the thought of “enjoying life”; simply because of the time spent with friends at coffee night out after a long and tiring day; simply because of the warm hugs and kisses from my kids before they go to school; or simply because of a kiss from a loving husband.

How I missed to laugh… Laughing together with true friends and not with some two-faced people. Laughing on every silly story shared by my children and not on the silly act a mommy could do for the sake of their kids. Laughing on every mistake and learned from it. Laughing in reminiscing the past rather than forgetting about it. How I wish I could laugh once more not for the purpose of showcasing my strength in times of intense difficulties but because I know in my heart that I am stronger than any storms that comes my way.

How I wish I could slap enemy’s face when I get angry, instead of just smiling and pretending that nothing happened to us. How I wish I could say every point I have to prove my worth in the professional world I am into right now. How I wish I have all the strength to walk out and go to an isolated place and shout my anger to all the people that caused me hurt. How I missed to exchange chilli words to each and every person trying to pull me down. How I wish I could freak out with anger in times of misapprehension, instead of just being quiet to avoid any spark of confrontation in front of my children.

How I missed to cry. Crying out loud without even thinking who will be hurt if I do this once more. How I missed to cry over on a friend’s shoulders, feeling the gentle tap on your back and ensuring you that everything will be alright. How I missed to cry when everything I see seems hopeless for me…. How I missed bursting my tears into joy every time I feel the security in me.

Past emotions. Elapsed feelings.